


Bucky Barnes: One-shots

by civilcarter



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civilcarter/pseuds/civilcarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yes, there are lots of things about her he knows. He could say he knows everything. And that makes him smile brighter than the sun, because all those little details are the ones that make him love her more and more.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Bucky Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there are lots of things about her he knows. He could say he knows everything. And that makes him smile brighter than the sun, because all those little details are the ones that make him love her more and more.

Bucky knows a lot about her.

 He knows that she was born in a small town. And that she hates it, even though she visits her family there every month and spends the whole weekend dealing with people she hates so she can be around the ones she love.

 He also knows that she likes popcorn. And movies. And everything that has to do with it. That’s why every night she likes to watch her favorite shows and movies like she was seeing it for the first time. She laughs like the first time, she suffers like the first time. She cries like she never really cried because that someone died. And Bucky is always there to comfort her.

 Bucky knows that she doesn’t like making up the bed or washing the dishes. But she does like to cook, and she is amazing at it, even if it’s just for fun. She loves doing chocolate cookies and strawberry cake, even though he eats the biggest part of it because her appetite is really small.

 He knows very well that she likes to cuddle, and that she fits perfectly into his arms. He knows that she likes when he plays with her brunette curls or when he cups her face before kissing. He knows that she loves when he calls her “baby doll”. He is aware that her feet are always cold, and that he always warms them with his own - even though he also knows that they will be cold again in the next five minutes that she pushes it afar from his. And when they wake up - mostly because she moves to much and ends up waking him -, they just smile to one another, kiss smoothly and go back to sleep.

 He knows that she likes to dance when she’s not feeling good - that’s why she likes being alone when it happens. Even though he knows she’s an awesome dancer, she doesn’t like when he watches her do it. Something about her being dull because she does that. He doesn’t really mind - that’s because he loves seeing her dance. Her moves always stun him, because she’s pretty good at it and never did any kind of classes. And, in the end, they two end up slow dancing to an old song.

 He has known for a long time that she has her ups and downs - just like he does. Sometimes, she’s all sunshine and rainbows, singing happily while she drives downtown to work or to have fun with him. But sometimes she’s as cold and lonely as the dark side of the moon. She doesn’t like talking, barely looks at him and prefers sleeping rather than going out. And he is always there for her. In those days, she really needs kisses and hugs and “I love you"s. Especially because, in those days, she feels unloved and unwanted. And she thinks that he doesn’t love her anymore. That’s when he has to explain to her that it’s never going to happen, because he’ll never stop loving her. After that, she just smiles and kisses his cheek, laying her head in his shoulder and saying “I love you too, handsome”.

 She is also aware of his problems. She knows that sometimes he has nightmares and that they break him in a way that nothing else can. In those moments, when he wakes up in the middle of the night crying, she wipes away his tears and hugs him like her life depended on it. He knows that she’s trying to steal all the pain to herself, so he doesn’t feel it anymore - and he thinks that’s the worst thing she does. She shouldn’t feel his pain - it’s his and his only. She doesn’t deserve that. It’s not her fault that he is broken. But, when he says that, she just smiles gently and goes “We are a team, right? So we have to deal with things together”. So she asks if he wants to talk about the nightmare. He normally doesn’t, but sometimes he has to. She listens to it calmly, giving him strength just by looking at him the way she always does. When he finishes it, she hugs him again. And both of them feel fine again.

 He knows how she feels when he goes out in missions. She gets depressed and anxious. She barely pays attention to what she’s doing because she’s worried about him. Sometimes she hurts herself doing that - drops glasses or cuts herself with some papers at work. And he knows the only way to heal that is coming back home right away and hugging her until she sees stars.

 There are plenty other things that Bucky knows about her. He could keep listing it for a month - he knows all her likes and dislikes, the people she trusts and the ones she doesn’t, every single thing she does and how she reacts to certain situations. Like how she bites her lips until bleeding when she’s nervous. Or even how she looks at him when she catches him lying about something, like she already knows everything and is going to tear him apart if he doesn’t tell her the truth. He knows every single curve of her personality like if it was his own.

 Sometimes he thinks about it. Bucky thinks about her a lot, even though he doesn’t often state it. In the biggest part of those, he realizes she brings out the best in him. She is the reason he wants to be better. That’s when he understands why he’s so protective of her - she’s the _fucking_ why he comes out of bed in the morning.

 Yes, there are lots of things about her he knows. He could say he knows everything. And that makes him smile brighter than the sun, because all those little details are the ones that make him love her more and more.

And that’s good enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty crappy with notes, but I'd really like to know your opinion about it!
> 
> You can come and talk to me at Tumblr (buckywinterss) or Twitter (royaltywidow).
> 
> Thank you very much for reading it, really means a lot to me. Love ya! <3


	2. Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s back from another mission, but his mind barriers are broken. Again.

The movie wasn’t that interesting. Actually, nothing was. For the past 2 weeks, I had been living without noticing I was. When he was out in the field, I felt like a defective machine. I felt like a piece was missing and I couldn’t work normally without it. I loose my track when he’s away. And that felt horrible. It felt… lonely. And God knows how much I hate loneliness.

The house was empty, except for me - eating a snack laying in the couch while watching some shitty movie - and the cat. Two weeks had gone by without him and all I had was the cat.

I changed the channel in the same moment me and the cat heard the door opening. Besides me and him, only Steve and Natasha had the keys to out apartment - so it could be any of them. But it wasn’t. Instead of Nat’s laugh or Steve’s voice, it was his deep breath what I heard. And, just with that, my heart went lighter and my chest pain disappeared.

I immediately left the food bag in the floor and ran through the couches, turning in the division between the living room and the kitchen to find Bucky closing the door behind him. I couldn’t describe how happy I was, so I just jumped over him, wrapping my hands in his neck when he turned to face me, feet far away from the ground. I felt his arms around my waist and his lips in my neck, up and down.

“I’m home, baby” he said it first. “I’m home”.

He looked awful. He always did, when he came back. The dark circles under his eyes were worst than the ones he had before and he looked as tired as he could be. Undercover missions were especially exhausting and he spent biggest part of the recovery sleeping or just resting in bed.

“I missed you so much” I mumbled, hugging him harder. Oh God, how I missed that. His smell, his warmth, his voice. Everything. We broke away from the hug, but he kept one hand in my waist and, with the other, cupped my face and caressed my cheek with his thumb.

“Are you ok?”.

“I’m awesome, don’t worry” the smile in my face was pure happiness. “And you?”.

“A couple of stitches later, I’m great”.

“You got shot? Oh my God, where?” the happiness faded and pure concern took place inside me.

“No, just a couple of knife wounds. It was last week, it’s almost healed already”.

“I’m going to take a look at them later” I said, feeling a little bit better. “C'mon, you need to rest”.

He followed me to the bedroom with one of his hands over mine and, while he left his bags in the floor, I sat in the mattress and Indian-crossed my legs.

“So, how was it?”.

“Better than the last one” he kicked his shoes near bed. “I feel exhausted. And you? How are things going?”.

“Just some usual problems, nothing I couldn’t solve” I said, while he took off his shirt. He had four new stitches, among the old scars. When he looked to the bathroom, his bare back facing me, I saw new bruises and another stitch. I gasped.

“What the fuck happened?!” I got up and started looking closer into the wounds. The skin was near to start growing over the line, it had to be taken off as soon as possible. And when I turned around him, I saw more marks in his skin. They were green, almost turning brown. They had the same age as the stitches - one week old, tops.

“We got trapped. Nat would have died if I didn’t interfere” he was staring at me while I turned him to face me.

“I need to cut the line off now. You can take your bath later” I said, opening the wardrobe and pulling out the first aid kit.

“No, let me do this” he got close, taking the scissor before me. “I know you don’t like doing this”.

“Shut up and sit down, Bucky. You’re my boyfriend, why wouldn’t I want to take care of you?” I pushed the scissor out of his hand. He did it, sitting in bed. Bucky followed me with his eyes while I started to cut the upper suture, near his shoulder.

“Because you hate stitching people up. Yes, I remember you saying that” his breathing was subtle and quiet, even though I could feel it warm in my skin.

“That doesn’t mean I mind cutting it off when it’s already healed” I replied quickly, finishing to cut it off and pushing it slowly. Taking the line from under the skin hurts and I knew that. “It’s not like I wouldn’t suture you if you were hurt”.

“Would you?” he looked up at me. He was tired and fragile, I could feel it. Doesn’t happen often, but sometimes things can break him. Bucky hates when things happen unexpectedly, and adding it up to Nat getting hurt could do it easily. To answer him, I leaned forward and looked straight to his eyes.

“Without even thinking about it. I love you, Bucky. And I’d do everything I could to keep you alive”.

He pressed his lips softly against mine and pushed it back a couple of seconds later.

“Now, let me finish this before it gets worse, ok?”

He nodded a “yes” and I continued my job. I hated to see him like that. Normally, Bucky was a rather happy and fun person. He had improved a lot since when Steve and Sam found him - in the day I met him, we barely spoke. He was always hiding and faking a passive expression. Meanwhile, I could sense everything he felt. I rarely used my powers in anyone, but I somehow knew feeling somethings he did could help us. Could make us - or at least me - understand what was happening. And I was right.

And again, while I cut off the second suture, I started feeling it again. That thing in my gut, that something that said I should do it again. I should experiment his emotions again. My instincts rarely miss something, so if I was feeling that, I shouldn’t ignore the idea. I was in the middle of the third line when I decided to ask him. Well, I couldn’t just simply do it - it takes acceptation from both sides to use my gift (or should I say curse?).

“Hey, babe, can I ask you something?” my voice was barely shaking and I couldn’t tell if he noticed that.

“Sure, doll. Go ahead”.

“I want to use my powers in you tonight” I said. His eyes opened wide and looked at me.

“What? NO” was his first answer.

“Please, Bucky. Remember what I said? About the voice? It’s talking again. This could help you, babe” I argued, leaving the scissor over the bed.

“No, Liz. I don’t want you inside my head now. Not now”.

“It’s because it has happened again, hasn’t it? They broke again” my voice was steady again, differently from my hands. They started shaking subtly, as I got nervous. “The barriers”.

He looked shocked. After all, how would I know that?

“How do you…?”.

“I’m sensitive, remember that? I feel things. I can’t control all of it” I stopped for a second, pressing my finger against his chin and bringing his head up. “I’ll talk to Wanda, she’ll build them again. But you don’t have to feel it alone. Let me help you, baby. Please”.

I could feel the struggle in his mind and the worry hidden in his chest. He was afraid I would feel the same he did and suffer like he was. And that tore me apart. He wasn’t worried with him - he was worried with me. He did that often, put my feelings in front of his. I hate when he does that.

“You don’t have to be afraid for me. It’s too much for you, sharing could help with the burden”.

His eyes cut through my soul when he looked at me again. Bucky was struggling against it. After a deep breath, he finally said something.

“After my shower. But just for a few seconds. I don’t want you to faint again”.

“I know how to control them now, hun. I’m not gonna faint” I kissed his forehead, feeling his arms against the skin of my waist, hugging me. I rested my chin over his head, with my arms around his neck. He caressed my back with his thumbs, going up and down my spine while I entangled my fingers in his hair. “Everything’s going to be ok, I promise”.

After a hug that I could swear that lasted a whole eternity, he let go of me and locked himself in the bathroom. As I heard the water running, I left the bedroom to turn the tv and the kitchen lights off. For some minutes, I kept sat in the mattress, back against the wall and staring at the bathroom door. Thinking. My thoughts were mostly about Bucky and how wrecked he looked. In 2 years that we were together, I had never seen him so upset and genuinely sad after a mission. Something horrible might have happened. Well, it was strong enough to break his barriers.

Oh yes, the barriers. I remember the first time I asked Wanda to build them. I knew it was a risk, but we had to take it. Differently from what the doctors said, his nightmares were getting worst, night by night. And along with it, came the breakouts - the nights where he went back to the Winter Soldier mode. Those were the worse. We were desperate to find a solution. And after a little chat with the Scarlett Witch, she agreed with it.

They really were barriers - walls that kept the old mind-controlled killer behind bars. He didn’t really forget the memories; they’re there, he can see them. They were hidden in the dark corner of his head. After that, things got better. The nightmares faded. I never saw the Winter Soldier again. But sometimes they broke. When an accident happened or someone he knew got hurt or in danger, they fade and the old assassin appears. And so does his memories.

Of course he didn’t agree with it at first. We had to convince him. Bucky always has a hard time talking about his HYDRA past - I mean, who wouldn’t -, but he finally understood it would help. Wanda was able to bring back some of his old memories too, the back-in-old-Brooklyn ones, to fill the empty space of the Cold War ones. He passed out during the process, but he woke up way much better in the next morning. After that, he started having fairly normal sleeping schedules. He started smiling more. He changed. He finally looked happy.

Finally, he came off the shower. Bare chest and boxers. I watched him while he searched for his favorite white shirt and dressed it, reaching for me in bed. I indian-crossed my legs, pointing for the gap between them for him to lay his head. His hair was part wet, but the cold of it didn’t bother me at all. Laying down and breathing, he looked really nervous.

“You remember how this works, so if you want me to stop, just say it and I’ll leave” I said, pressing the palms of my hands in his temples, the ends of my fingers touching his cheeks. His skin was warm and rough, due to the beard that had already started growing again.

My concentration skills have to work hard every time I use my powers. Getting inside other people’s minds is hard shit - it demands a connection. And it takes some seconds (sometimes minutes) to build it.

I had already gone inside his mind once. The bond wasn’t new, but it wasn’t hard to find and reconnect to it. After some seconds, I drowned so hard in his memories I lost my breath. After filling my lungs with the deepest breath I could, I sank.

That’s when it began. The first thing I could feel was guilt. Natasha got injured and it was all my fault. It couldn’t have happened. I was supposed to protect her and I couldn’t. I failed. And I cannot fail.

Then, I felt sadness. I felt sad for what happened. I couldn’t stand seeing Natasha’s face - bloody and hurt. She is my friend. I felt sad for her, but mostly, I felt miserable. I felt untrustworthy. Why would they trust me? After everything I did? I wasn’t even capable of helping my partner. Again, I had blood in my hands. So many time spent trying to get rid of the dry blood from the past and now there was more, dripping from my fingers again.

There was pain. A lot of pain. I felt hideous. A monster. An assassin. I could see the memories again - the punches, the gunshots, the fire, the blood. The cold. I could hear my own screams while they wiped me out, again and again like I was an animal. Like I deserved it.

I felt lonely. I knew I had Natasha and Steve and Liz. But, still, I felt empty. No one could really understand what I went through. I didn’t want compassion. I wanted to be understood.

Suddenly, I heard a voice.

“Liz, get out!”.

I could feel the connection being broken. My whole body trembled lowly and I had to breathe in and out, again and again to reestablish my own mind. My eyes opened at once and the only view was a pair of bright, blue tired eyes. Bucky’s eyes. I blinked multiple times, trying to understand what was happening.

Quick, Buck sat up and looked at me, worried. I straightened my spine and looked at him again. I had leaned over him during the process. I felt something dripping out of my nose. It tasted like… blood. Bucky placed his metal hand over mine and pressed the other against my right cheek, cleaning the blood drops with his thumbs and staring right at my eyes.

“Are you ok? Oh God, I knew this was a terrible idea-”.

“Bucky, don’t worry, I’m ok. I got too deep and had to get out too fast. But I’m fine”.

Until then, I didn’t realize what I had seen while I has inside his mind. In less than one second, all those feelings crossed me like a lightning. I was strong enough not to faint, but I had to hold tight to his hand. I closed my eyes forcefully, feeling stings all over my brain. I groaned in pain.

“What’s happening?” there was pure worry in his voice.

“They’re appearing. The memories” my voice was low.

It ended quickly, and there they were. The memories. The feelings. Everything. I looked back at him, still feeling a little dizzy. He was concerned and scared. After everything I had seen, I hugged him tight. How could I not see all that? How sad he felt, how lonely. How could I?

“Bucky, I’m sorry, I-”.

“You shouldn’t have gone that deep. That’s not something anyone was supposed to see” his voice was shaking and full of guilt and pain. My heart broke with just one word he said. We broke away from the hug.

“Is it true?” I finally asked. I had to look corageous. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to find out, but he needed to talk. “About the loneliness?”.

Bucky looked down, like a child who just got caught. He didn’t want me to find out about it.

“I-I try to convince myself. I keep saying I’m not alone, but I just can’t believe in it. I stood so much time by myself, Liz. No one cared about me back there. I guess I’m just not used to it anymore” he felt guilty, I could feel it again.

“It’s ok, Bucky. Connection with people isn’t something you get overnight. You just have to know I’m always here for you, no matter what happens. And you shouldn’t blame yourself. The killings, all of this, it’s not your fault” my hands were over his ones, resting in his legs.

“How can you be so sure? It’s my fault Natalia got hurt”.

“No, it’s not. You were ambushed, there was no clue that would happen. And you saved her. If it wasn’t for you, she’d be really gone. You’re her savior, not her executioner, Buck”.

“But I still killed all those people. They were innocent and I couldn’t save them”.

“That was not you. That was him. The HYDRA killer. You and him are not the same person. Maybe you two have the same body - but you’re definitely different”. I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “You’re sweet and kind and funny. And an awesome dancer” he smirked at what I said. “Please, stop doing this. There’s no blood in your hands, that’s on him. You’re just Bucky”.

He finally smiled. There was less sadness emanating from him. I could even sense some happiness, even if small and still trying to find a place to grow, surrounded by all the angst. But it was definitely something.

“Are you feeling better? You should get some rest” I petted my side at the mattress, asking for him to join me. He was quick, laying beside me and pressing his head against my neck. His left hand was behind my back while the right one was resting in my belly. I hugged him. Even though he was a lot bigger than me, he fitted perfectly into my arms. Just like I did in his.

We just stood there, enjoying one another. I knew it would be hard for him to really get some decent sleep after everything that happened, so staying awake with Bucky really seemed like an option. I was probably going to fall asleep somewhere between 2 and 3 o'clock, as usual. But, until then, I had plenty of time to take care of him.

After some time, when I was almost sleeping, I could hear his voice, low and far away.

“You were right. Sharing it can help with the burden”.

All I remember was smiling at what he said, kissing his forehead and falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty crappy with notes, but I'd really like to know your opinion about it!
> 
> You can come and talk to me at Tumblr (buckywinterss) or Twitter (royaltywidow).
> 
> Thank you very much for reading it, really means a lot to me. Love ya! <3


	3. Deathbeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you. I always have and always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! That is the first songfic I’ve ever wrote. Well, actually I started this a while ago and after some time I inserted the song. It’s Deathbeds, from BMTH. Thank you so much for reading, it really means a lot to me. Oh, and don’t forget you can request anything you want me to write anytime you feel like reading it. Love ya!
> 
> Song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF0wv1PKRMQ

> Eyes like a car crash
> 
> I know I shouldn’t look, but I can’t turn away
> 
> Body like a whiplash
> 
> Salt my wounds, but I can’t heal the way I feel about you

He saw her for the first time and it was like all his world changed at once. Her eyes were so blue he got lost in them, her cheeks so rose and soft he could swear they weren’t real. He couldn’t take her eyes off her. She had this aura surrounding her, like she was somehow holy. When Steve introduced her to Bucky, his heart felt like jumping out of its place and running a marathon. The words got tangled in his throat and his mouth ran dry. _Was that how falling in love at first sight felt like?_

> I watch you like a hawk
> 
> I watch you like I’m gonna tear you limb from limb
> 
> Will the hunger ever stop?
> 
> Can we simply starve this sin?

Talking to her was like entering a different universe. He always felt like people treated him differently because of his story - and they really did. She treated him how he wanted to be treated: like a normal person. Her scent got him dizzy and her voice made him drown into something he’d never felt before. There was something in the way she looked at him, but he couldn’t quite tell what. Was it love? Desire? Happiness? Maybe all of them.

She was strong and confident. She walked through places like she owned them, on the top of her high-heeled boots. Fighting for what she believed in and defending the ones she loved ran in her veins and exaled from her lungs while she breathed. She was smart and trustworthy - and her spot among Fury at the coordination of SHIELD was more than fair. People respected her because of that; because she deserved respect.

> That little kiss you stole, it held my heart and soul
> 
> And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate

But when her high-heels were on the floor and she was wearing her hoodie instead of the daily uniform, she was soft and funny. She was cuddly and liked watching cheesy movies, reading poetry books and singing. And Bucky knew how beautifully she sang. Her voice was like heaven, sweet and clean. She always sang him to sleep with her old grandma’s lullabies, calming his demons even when Bucky himself couldn’t silence them.

And her kiss - oh, her kiss. It was like heaven blessed him with the sweetest of tastes. Her lips were soft and comforting just like her voice and her touch. It was surreal how she could be kind but incisive, cute but strong, calm but wild. Her opposites dazed and amazed him, making him fall in love with her more and more every single day.

> Don’t try to fight the storm, you’ll tumble overboard
> 
> Tides will bring me back to you

But a love as beautiful as theirs wasn’t meant last forever. And she knew that.

She knew the possibility of not coming back from that mission was high ever since Fury told her about what was really happening. She could feel it in her chest, in that thing that constricted in her throat when something bad was about to happen. And when she realized she would have to give her life to complete the mission, her heart ached in a way it never did before. She wasn’t worried about her - if her destiny was to die defending her ideals, then so be it. That’s what real heroes were made of, after all. But she had to think about him; of course she had to. She loved him with all her body, heart and soul, more than she loved herself. And being gone forever would tear his soul apart, drive him mad or even worse. That was her worry.

She went through weeks without telling him about it. Every time she looked him in the eye, her chest constricted a bit more. She would have to tell Bucky everything, eventually - but it never seemed like a good time to talk about it. Sometimes, she hid it not to see that happy smile fade from his face; others, she just didn’t feel like spoiling the moment. When the parting day was just three days afar, she decided to open up to him. He listened to it carefully, the same way he always did. Of course she didn’t mention it. Oh no, she couldn’t. When the explanation was done, he only had one question.

“You’re coming back, right?”.

It took her a few seconds to answer it.

“Yeah, sure”.

In three days time, she was in the quinjet among other SHIELD Agents. None of them knew - it was a secret between her and her fate. But she couldn’t help but let a sad sigh out of her lips when she looked outside, to the sky and the clouds. That was the last time she’d see it - so she should enjoy it as much as she could. It was beautiful. The sunset in the horizon, the colors splashed in the baby blue sky. Breathtaking and melancholic, just how she liked it.

Everything was going fine. And that bothered her. She knew it wasn’t supposed to be so easy, so there had to be something wrong. There should be an ambush at the end of it, and for everything to go as planned, she’d have to go first.

> And on my deathbed all I’ll see is you
> 
> The life may leave my lungs, but my heart will stay with you

When the bullet got through her chest and blood finally ran free, she knew that was the end. For a small second, the whole world around her got silent and frozen, while her mind floated around one single memory. Bucky smiling in their first encounter - a still shy and perplex Bucky, with the most genuine smile she had ever seen. She didn’t even feel the crash of her knees against the ground, while the gun slipped away from her fingers and met the gravel with a low noise. The coughing got worse, and so did the pain. But she didn’t mind, because Bucky was smiling at her, like he always was. Everything slowly faded from existence as she slipped towards unconscience with a last smile on her face and the image of the man she loved in her mind. _Was that how the end felt like?_

> That little kiss you stole, it held my heart and soul
> 
> And like a ghost in the silence, I disappear

Bucky didn’t know how to deal with her death. At first, he though it was just a stupid joke from someone trying to fool him. But when Nat came in crying, barely standing still, he realized it wasn’t. He felt empty. Someone tore his heart apart and threw it away, like it was nothing but a piece of old trash. Something was missing - she was missing. The pain was indescribable and unbearable. He prayed for all Gods he knew for it to be a misunderstanding, and for her to appear in the elevator the same way she did everytime she came home from a mission, smiling and laughing. He prayed for his goddess to come back once more. But this time God wasn’t that kind.

> Don’t try to fight the storm, you’ll tumble overboard
> 
> Tides will bring me back to you

He found her letter while he was packing her things to put them in the attic. It was still sealed and it had her perfume - frangrance that hit him like a truck, along with memories, dormant feelings and pain. He hesitated before opening it, afraid it was something he wasn’t supposed to see; but he realized it was adressed to him. And he read it.

_“Hey there, my love. If you’re reading this, I’m already gone. You must be wondering why I didn’t tell you about the possibility of this happening. Believe me, it was the easiest way of dealing with it. You would try to stop me and I didn’t want it to happen. You can hate me as much as you want - it’s ok, I deserve it. I’m sorry for letting you down. I wish this didn’t happen, but I’m happy for dying for a thing I believed in. At least it was a honored death._

_I tried to do my best to make you happy during our time together. And I can assure you I was the happiest woman in the whole world meanwhile. You are the most amazing man I’ve ever met and I want you to remember that every single day from now on. Please, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise - they don’t know jack about you and never will. You’re pure gold, honey. You really are._

_And I want you to promise me you’ll never forget me and how much I loved you. But I want you to keep going and having a life. I want you to be happy. You deserve that. Do it for me. Be happy for me._

_I love you. I always have and always will”._

A tear escaped his eye and landed in the paper.

“I promise I will. And I love you too”.


End file.
